How and What Are Fundamental Questions to Ask

Excerpt

Over the past few decades, the coaching business has produced many questions that one could ask themselves: many are intended to provide insight and awareness. This article will explore the most common question asked, "Why?" and the reasons it fails to produce useful and fruitful answers. The better questions exist in "How?" and "What?" and why it proves far more effective at getting to the heart of causes.

Habits

We consider the word "habit" as unfavorable, although it can be neutral or positive given particular circumstances. 

We perceive the negative aspects more dominant, most likely because we grew up in the '50s and 60's when people used the word habit and connected the word with getting tattoos, smoking, and swearing, to name a few: bad habits. We never heard of good habits, only disciplines. 

(Wisdom Sidebars) Of course, in our current culture, words no longer have the same meaning: they now stand for ideology and political purposes. Today, we're living in a world of Babel - similar to the disconnects of various languages in a tower of Babel biblical story.

Notice where this image begins - in a rut!

Background

We introduced habits in this article to relate patterns to evil as an overriding connection theme. We firmly believe that the question “Why” has an instant negative effect on the person in hearing the question. We observed body language in individuals when “Why” is asked results in an instant barrier - similar to a wall snapped into place around the person. The expression changes, the body tightens, and energy seems to flow away from the individual - they become defensive almost immediately. Have you experienced this reaction to the Why question?

You probably have experienced a similar reaction as a youngster, school, or college student, and surely you have felt the discomfort in your work life. Yes, No, or Maybe?

Let’s Get Honest

Of course, you have felt uncomfortable with this question! Why usually puts you into a defensive situation, which can indeed be difficult. If you have trained yourself to respond positively to this question, we applaud you. We recognize that you have also been placed in a defensive position regardless of your strategies to overcome.

(Wisdom Sidebar) Our Socratic mentor in Sorin Damian asked “So What” for any of our responses and would keep at it until we could not produce another solution. It proved useful in making us think of alternatives to support our contentions. 

The How Question

We have found the question “How” is a much better and more effective alternative to Why. The reason is simple - it makes us think of other options. Thinking is the answer because when one knows the How question is coming, you will consider how many different solutions you can prepare. Tex Johnston, one of our business coaches, told us that you could think of at least 10 to 20 other solutions if you worked at it. After we had mastered doing that, he increased the number to 50 and then 100 - so we know it is possible to come up with many alternatives.

We realize this sounds impossible at first. However, practice these exercises for your brain. We suggest you try it yourself by asking how you're making it and then creating a list of your hows.

Here is an example to demonstrate how this works: The question is, “How can you produce an extra $1,000 this month”? Answers:

1. Subtract money from 5 of your current budget items to gain the extra money.

2. Sell things you don’t want which are in your attic or garage.

3. Take on a part-time job.

4. Perform an additional project for cash this month.

5. Set up a blog site for subscription service and begin writing blogs.

6. Ask for a bonus and tie it to producing something your boss thinks impossible to accomplish.

7. Built something in your workshop and sell it.

8. Ask for a loan from a friend or family member.

9. Establish a fundraising idea and sell it to a company or business.

10. Pick a talent you love (e.g., photography, traveling, exercise, singing, etc.) and create a video that you can sell on-line.

11. Keep going because you can think of another ten items.

The What Question

The What question is very different from the How question because it prompts you to understand what is occurring. This is atypical, and it is healthy for you to consider what is important in any given circumstance. Also, no negative associated feeling of defensiveness is encountered upon asking the question. However, it will require you to think about your response more deeply before you answer.

Let’s take five examples of the What question to see how the experience of it affects you.

1. What had you decide to take the new job you’ve been offered?

2. What did the answers to the declaration “convince me how you can make a difference” produce inside of you?

3. What would have you not proceed to the next logical step?

4. What are the reasons you decided to behave the way you did?

5. What practices can you change to increase the effectiveness of your team?

You have probably noticed that forming the what question takes a little more thought than other questions. And you may have also recognized that it can help get to the heart of something faster and more effective than the why question - without defensiveness. The question has similar characteristics to the “So What” question but not as abrupt: it requires one to answer thoughtfully and keep digging for more alternatives.